WHY AM I AFRAID TO ACT?

What is it when your words don’t align with your actions? 

That's something I’ve been wrestling with lately.

Now before diving into this thought, let’s start this post with a positive.

I am quite proud of the action taking side of myself. Ever since I was little I have always jumped on things I wanted to do. I’ll get excited about something, figure out a way to make it happen and then boom, I’m in it. And the best part is I tend to jump on things alone. I am super resourceful, love a good challenge and get utterly consumed in proving to myself that I can accomplish said mission.

One of the earliest missions I can remember was when I turned 16. I had made several close friends from summer camp that lived in a city about 6 hours from where I was and I wanted to hang out with them without taking a bus or getting my parents to drive me. So I got my learners permit on my 16th birthday (the earliest I could get it), took driving lessons to fast track my driving test, and spent the following months working 3 jobs to help fund my lifestyle. I had to buy a car, pay for gas and take care of other expenses. I then drove that 6 hour road trip back and forth every few months for the next couple years (quite often alone) all to have fun with my friends from another city.

I value doing what I say I want to do.

And I tend to just go and do something, that is when I'm not afraid to do it.

There are many things I’m not afraid of. (Don’t worry, the boasting will end soon.)

I'm not afraid of love and connection with people. I'll dive in head first and be open to relationships and accept heartbreak along with it. 

I'm not afraid of trying new hobbies. I'll pick something interesting, get right in it and give myself the challenge to get good at it fast.

I'm not afraid of traveling and being in new places. I'll book a trip, even last minute and figure out the itinerary on a whim.

I'm not afraid of being raw and real about the world and my life. I’ll offer my strong unapologetic thoughts about pain, suffering, issues and heart and tell it as I see it.

I'm not afraid of putting others before me and letting them shine. I’ll encourage, offer ideas for their success and even go all in to help see them reach their potential.

I'm not afraid of failure. I can look at myself and own my shit, laugh off a failure and take it as a lesson. 

I’m not afraid of growth. I don’t shy away from hardships and pain in life even if it takes me to the darkest of places.

I'm not afraid of these things which means most of the time in these areas I'll do what I say when I say I'll do it.

But the things I am afraid of, those are different.

When I have fear to do something I'm more reluctant to act even if I end up talking a big talk around it.

My inactivity usually comes from a place of fear of something in my life. And that’s usually when my words won’t align with my actions.

Here are some of my fears…

I'm afraid of flying.  

I'm afraid of spiders.

I'm afraid of adulting (yes that is a thing and yes I’m sure you are too).

I’m afraid of getting so sick I can’t function.

I'm afraid of doing life alone with no friends to enjoy it with.

There’s certainly many more but that’s a good start.

The pain and irritation I get from my inactivity with these fears in my life can be so overwhelming at times. That's because I value doing what I say I want to do.

So in lies the dilemma and the questions I have been stuck asking myself lately…

Why am I afraid to act and what can I do to get myself to act, despite my fear?

Why am I afraid to act?

This first question is a bit of an easy one to answer because for me, it simply comes down to not feeling safe in something. WHY you’re afraid of a certain thing in the first place is a question to unpack separately maybe even with a professional, but when I think of why I’m afraid to ACT in certain areas it’s usually related to not feeling safe.

And the simple truth for me is that I have wanted to feel safe in life especially over the past year and a bit.

What can I do to get myself to Act, despite my fear?

I was talking with a close friend the other day about this and they made an interesting point about something I've chosen to do in life (unintentionally).

They said they’ve witnessed me mind hack certain fears in order to act in them despite still being afraid.

I took a step back from my self loathing to examine some examples of this in my life.

One example is traveling.

I am not afraid of it. I quite enjoy it and have been traveling for most of my life. But I am afraid of flying.

Over the years I have indirectly told myself that my lack of fear and love of travel outweighs my fear of flying so I end up doing it anyways.

I push through it for a greater outcome, even if it causes me to have a mild panic attack on the flight. Oooft, it’s not fun.

So can be with other things...

It's the combination of a lack of fear of something that can outweigh the fear of something else.

Voilà, mind hack!

It doesn't mean the fear goes away necessarily. But you act in it anyways because the outcome is worth it.

When the mind hack goes wrong

Now I’ve personal witnessed this strategy go the other way in my life as a form of justifying inactivity.

Here's a vulnerable example of mine…

One of my main fears to date that I'm wrestling with is the fear of putting myself out “there” (again). The fear of letting myself shine alone.

For many reasons that I won't bore you with in this post, this fear just exists. I don’t feel safe in the thought of doing it.

So I've focused the last while on hiding away, being anonymous, choosing side hustles where I don't have to put any of my own thoughts or opinions out there.

Additionally,  I love to see others flourish and grow. I am not afraid of putting others before me.

I’ve always liked that about myself because I’m not threatened by others and really do find joy in helping people I care for get to where they want to go. But I’ve somehow told myself that the lack of fear in seeing others shine is somehow greater than the fear of letting myself shine and putting in the work to see myself get to where I want to go.

I used something I'm not afraid of to outweigh a fear. But here's the problem with this side of it, my strategy to want to see others shine has been to hide myself.

I’ve gotten irritated with this lately and even though I felt safe not acting in it for awhile, it just doesn’t serve me anymore and that’s the journey I’m on.

Conclusion

Fear is a tricky thing to face. I’m not entirely sure if we ever fully get over certain fears in life or if over time stepping out in fear slowly makes it go away or at least shrinks it.

Regardless, I think it’s important to lean into what our gut and irritation is telling us in this current moment of time and face up to some of those fears we dread to act in yet secretly want to, that is if you value taking action in life like I do.

So I leave you with this thought I have been wrestling with myself regarding fear and action.

And if you want to dive deeper into your own inactivity and fears, here's some questions to ask yourself...

what am I not afraid of? 

What am I afraid of?

And how can I combine them to mind hack myself into action?

Questions to ponder.

Happy journey.